Paranoia

Is there some character development or alteration class available? A worried person does not equal a happy person. Sometimes there's nothing negative going on but yet my horrid and warped mind will presume there is. Coming back from my usual but excessively lousy run makes me feel at the bottom of the world. The feeling of a lack of oxygen, cease of the brain functioning and pulse rate bursting is something I don't look forward to. I must admit I was never a good runner ; it has never been my forte since kinder age. But at least in the year 2004 I know my stamina and running ability was at its peak. Okay its probably due to the at-least-3-times-a-week gym training that used to be in my regimen. But as soon as the year 2005 arrived - I prefer to call it the "Year of the Lazy Slob" though, I started to waver in gym training or regular runs at the stadium. Even the usual Saturday morning swims became a bleak picture. I was left with my Tennis trainings on Sunday which obviously does not help someone to keep in shape cos its only once a week. I cannot fathom how I have become an AFC(average frustrated chump). I used to recognise the personal trainers and the usual gym freaks but now as I walk in, everyone, and including some machines look foreign to me. Blame it on the O level examinations? It is not a valid reason or excuse. There is NO such thing as "Oh damn, I've got no time." Unless I can confidently say that I have been mugging diligently all year, NOT. And therefore, a disgruntled me would have to go with the "I was simply fat and lazy" reason, which clearly isn't anything to be proud of. To top off to the negative aspects, I also remember instances where I simply sat around and binged. This is unacceptable to me. What poor self control. Even motivational books or health mags couldn't salvage this bad situation. I stare at my tubs of whey protein and creatine realising specks of dust forming on its lid. Now don't play dumb with me, you know what this means. The prospective of continuing to remain the same sickens me. But whoever said it was easy to get back on track. Yes shape up and ship out, any easy way out? NO. I should write down a promise to myself that these 3 months of vacation will be put to lucrative useage. But for starters a replacement for the lost gym membership card should be top priority. Hah.