The Chinese New Year reunion dinner with my family is always the best dinner. Fancy and lush restaurants couldn't hold a candle to it. The dinner is always self-cooked - right down to the chilli sauce. Well, at least it beats having an aimless dinner with people who don't give two hoots about you.
Its wonderful that the economy is picking up its pieces bit by bit. I recall the last few Chinese New Years' to be rather gloomy and pathetic. It was the year 2004, I was on my way in a taxi. The driver wished me and a couple of minutes later, he was ranting and raving about how unhappy Chinese New Year looks. Later, he started accusing the local government for its "corrupt ministers". He probably was having many issues and when people are trapped in troubled waters, they always look for something or someone to blame as a scapegoat. The truth hurts and its always good to take it out on someone I guess.
Is the Singapore educational system a failure? I have heard many disturbing comments about students' English O-level essays being a failure, and its source is coming from the British markers. It seems that the local candidates have failed to write quality essays and if not for the Singapore Ministry of Education officials moderating the results, many would fail the English Language. Ok then it'll be logical to think that since English isn't the country's forte, then maybe Chinese is? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Judging from what I have witnessed, maybe Singlish or Hokkien bad words are what most are comfortable with. I am completely stigmatized to know that many think Singlish is purely alright, and maybe even comical. To me its just like a bad hair day - downright embarrassing. Sometimes the media indirectly promotes Singlish by producing tv programs where all the characters use Singlish fervently. Little did they realise that the only ones being made mockeries are us. Sure, the foreigner or expat. may chuckle and seem entertained, but you'll never know that you might have just degraded yourself terribly.
Its 1 am and the first day of Chinese New Year. I send my condolences to those who are forced to spend the festive season alone due to recent catastrophies. I am unable to comprehend how wretched that feels, only because God has blessed me thoroughly with a warm family and His endearing love.
Boney and haggard, she sat alone on the cold, round marble table staring into the abyss. It was as if all light had disappeared in the hollow room. The once brightly-coloured shoes that piled the doorway was simply a black and white memory. Only a tattered welcome mat left, inviting delirium.
Cool it now. The 10 minute journey home on the public bus was mentally excruciating ; a downright torment. Ugly Singaporeans have crossed their border today. The ignominious side of my country.
I'm not the misfit kind of guy who bothers to comment on the petty lives of others. But under such circumstances, I simply knuckle under pressure and see the need to share my painful experience. Firstly, I was already suffering from a headache. Anonymous loudmouth girl simply had to gibber away on her cell with the loudest of voices. I tell you, it was the most bimbotic conversation ever. I'm no sexist, but I'm sure girls have more intelligent areas to converse about yeah?
Nope. It wasn't an intellectual well-mannered lady who spoke of current affairs or how treacherous the world is today. I wish. My psp's girly man speakers could not stop her highly-excitable voice droning away in the background. I'd strongly recommend a dose of testosterone to lower that shrill sound projected by her. I had a headache. I sat in front of her. Go figure!
Attempts to press my earphones deeper in was to no avail. Therefore I had to succumb to her ear-splitting conversation and feel my temples pounding painfully. I haven't touched on the worst part yet - the conversation was incoherent and in a ghastly mixture of english and chinese. Besides, who washes their dirty linen in public? Finally, I understand the meaning of "language campaigns" organised by the government. One thing's for sure, if I have kids, mannerism and etiquette are top notch priority. The thought of verbal disorder can be such a turn off, I can already feel my brains rotting from the insides.
Woke up at 6.20 a.m today. After much desperation to sink into sleep again, I finally relented. Its the fault of bad dreams again. I can vividly recall what was occuring in my dream, the plethora of images still flash as I relate my story on the world wide web. I dreamt that I could barely even qualify for the Polytechnic. Sheesh.
Dreams arrive in such a queer manner too. The results are due on the 9th of February. However in my dream my parents did some appealing and I received my results solo in a shabby, gloomy office room with navy-blue curtains from this anonymous lady on the 8th instead. ???
The last time I dreamt about the results, all my relatives were sitting in a circle passing my result slip around. Then my aunt exclaimed that I did VERY well. It was 20 points. What the hell.
Man, the 9th of February had better come quick. These ridiculous dreams are eating me out. But waking up at the early-bird-time has its pros. I got my lazy ass to the track and did some running, then switched to the pool for a morning swim. And damn I tell ya, the water was freeeezzziiin cold.
Then I overheard some lifeguard's conversation with this middle-aged guy about visiting temples to pray in hope to strike the lottery. I'm confused. Cos' in terms of Christianity, when you have the audacity to pray for such things, you're testing God. Well maybe I'm a newbie when it comes to understanding Buddhism's culture.
The 7 deadly sins of man : -Envy -Lust -Gluttony -Sloth -Anger -Pride -Covet
In a twist of fate, unexpected scenes occured. I question myself why. I attempt to deter myself from falling into the black hole. Its hard. Temptation is rampant. I can already pick out several reasons on how wrong it is. Things complicate further when I can't tell. Hush.
Who will lend that listening ear to something like this. Morally, wrong. I want to practice what I preach. Lord please, show me the light at the end of the tunnel. The exterior really does count huh. I succumb to fate that I am, afterall, a superficial and shallow bastard.
Never giving you that second glance before. For years, you were just, you. Period.
One dreadful night, tides turned. They keep swirling above my head like blood-thirsty vultures. And the angelic side of me says no, help yourself, dismiss that ridiculous thought swiftly. Then the devilish side of me makes the yearning stronger. Let the truth be known and that already bleak friendship would simply shatter. I thought I had more respect and morality than to let myself be entrapped within these fantasies.
Virtually, impossible. You were always.
I stared at you in the noisy, smoky room. The neon lights flickered continuously. In foreign arms you were, swaying with rythmic beat. Not a second did I blink. Sitting on the barstool and questioning myself "what in the world are you thinking?" Little did I realise that facts couldn't hold a candle to the heart's hidden powers.
Wheeze. Cough. Sneeze. Its the time of the month this weakling allows the flu virus to penetrate the immune system. At times I ponder if my lifestyle and eating habits are considered to be negatively unhealthy. Mom and Dad hit the bullseye again. "Wait and see, you take ill at least once a month". And I still dismissed their thoughts labelling them as "paranoid health fanatics". Damn.
As I type away on the keyboard, my lungs expand and contract uncomfortably, producing a wheezing sound. How absurd, but I miss breathing like a normal being. Fortunately, my girlfriend left her extra inhaler at my place which does help to contain the wheezing. My family does not have a record of asthma, but my mom said that records are not a guarantee for omission of illnesses. Help.
I should have consumed those vitamins obediently to boost my immune system. But no. I assumed that I was 'iron-man' and the word "sick" wasn't in my metallic dictionary. Now, "iron man" has liquidated and broken down. All cos' of sheer defiance and a numbskull attitude.
The waste paper basket is ridiculously piled up with soiled tissues. The amount of new tissue boxes are drastically decreasing because of heavy usage. The once-full Clarinase and Panadol boxes in the cupboards are now left with a meagre amount of capsules...And the list goes on, you get the jist.
To think that if I had payed proper attention to my health all this trouble could have been saved. I'm supposed to be going on a cruise in two days. MUST...GET...WELL...SOON...
Humans are so vulnerable. Its hard to understand how swift death is. Nature maintains its supremacy and when its time to be called by the lord, the going is inevitable. It is only in the Nether World that we shall find eternal peace. Rid of Earth's sufferings, rid of all pain. God probably has other plans for us after we finish our work on Earth.
We finally usher in year 2006. A happy new year to one and all. Time to sing Auld Land Syne, time to grab a pen and paper to write down those new year resolutions, most importantly, time to forgive all those who sinned against us.
I wonder what year 2006 has in store for me. Come what may. I know the new year has its own surprises embedded within the 365 days.
Days of youth are slowly fading away. In a blink of an eye, I'll be rocking on an old armchair reminiscing about my younger days. And in a while's time, I'll be breathing my last few breaths wondering if I made my stay on Earth a successful one. Hopefully when that time comes, I would leave with no regrets or worries. The worst way to pass on is to have a weighted heart or unfinished dreams.
Sorry I judged you. It would be piercing to know that this is the image I had of you.But no, I'm wrong. I'm always wrong. Lost that part of me. We'll make it through. We will. We will. Adieu.
